Perception vs Reality

Do you ever wonder why we act the way we do and how our cultural upbringing influences our perceptions, thinking and choices? Or why certain things annoy us or matter to us so much?   I find it so fascinating especially living in a culture that is so different to my own. I am daily faced with my cultural prejudices and biases. So much of my thinking lately revolves around how I should respond, dress, speak and act in culturally appropriate ways.

There are certain situations that offend, discourage or annoy me about being a minority in Tanzania. But today while talking to my friend Lulu about these things I realised that my annoyance comes down to perceptions of events rather than reality.

An example is being greeted in a high pitched voice by males and youth. To me this feels like being mocked. Lulu offered a different perspective on why this happens. She said that the reason

they do this is out of shyness and not wanting to be shamed. Because if they say "hi" and then we do not answer then they can make out that it was just a joke. Lulu said she often will hear the youth daring each other in swahili to say hi to the wazungu.

Another situation where I felt I was being mocked was in the daladala (public transport), some high school girls were sitting behind me and touching my hair then laughing. It made me feel like some kind of freak show. I shared this with Lulu and she said that they are just amazed by me, because my hair is so different to their own. She explained that it’s not that they think i’m weird but more that they think of me as some kind of mystical creature.  Hearing this made me feel different about it, it’s kind of cool to be a mystical creature... I always wanted to be a mermaid as a kid :P.

My third example is being laughed at when I attempt to speak Swahili. Again I think I am being laughed at because I am saying it wrong. But Lulu explained that they are laughing because they are happy. It means so much when we speak their language. One thing I do love is the smile it puts on people’s faces when I do speak Swahili. It also makes me smile when an old bebe shakes my hand after I shikamo her (shikamo is a term of respect given to older people, it translates to “I kiss your feet”).

One day I’ll be back in NZ and no one will stare at me because I am different, no one will yell out to me “Mzungu,” or say "Hi" in a high pitched voice (unless that is actually how they talk). No kids will greet me with "good morning" when its actually the afternoon, in fact I probably won’t get greeted by kids at all! Unless they know me, and you know what I’ll probably really miss it!

It’s a weird paradox of wanting to blend in here but also kind of enjoying the fact that I am different and that everyone wants to talk to me. I am extroverted at heart so I love meeting and getting to know new people, some days more than others though.

While reflecting on all this, I realised that our western culture is one of mocking each other and that is not really the case here, so much so that sarcasm is often taken literally because it’s not a form of humor the locals use. And if you think about it the root of sarcasm is mocking.

Lulu surrounded by her fan club ;)

I truly love living in a different culture and feel so blessed and privileged to be spending a whole year in Tanzania. It is so easy to get caught up in our own little worlds and think that our own worldview is complete and accurate, but in reality there is so much to learn. I have also been thinking a lot about the way so many of us live life in New Zealand. Just because we have always done something a certain way doesn’t mean it’s the only way or even the best way. Why do we feel the need to mock each other? Why do we spend more time working and trying to get rich then we do with the people we love and care about? Why are we always so busy? Is this really the best way to live this life? And why if we are doing everything right, getting a career, having a family achieving goals keeping busy, why are so many of us still so unhappy? Why is the suicide rate so high in New Zealand? Why are there so many cases of domestic violence? We are so privileged yet it’s all not enough.

I’ve been reflecting on these things a lot lately as domestic violence stories full my homepage. I think a lot of it comes down to our perceptions and expectations.

For example, what is our perception of God? Is he only good when life is good, is he only worth living for when it suits our lives or is he good regardless of our circumstances? This year my conviction of God, as a good father has increased so much, it genuinely grieves me when I realise so many people don’t fully believe in the goodness of God. Believing God is good doesn’t mean I don’t get mad at God or have doubts at times it just means that I have an assurance that no matter what comes my way that my God is a good Dad and he is worth living for. He is all

 knowing, all powerful, all loving and even though I don’t always understand what he’s doing I’ll choose to trust in his goodness.

 At the same time though a good Father doesn’t get mad at his children when they are struggling, or doubting, a good father loves us anyway, and that’s what makes doing life with God a truly beautiful thing.